getting high....but not how you think

Yesterday I went to school (Harford Community College) to speak to prospective incoming students about how disability services there have helped me. I was asked to do it a little while ago by the head of the DSS department and I was supposed to give my first talk at the open house last week but I was unable to due to complications with side effects from a new medicine we are trying. It made me completely closterphobic and I could not stop moving or think straight. It was basically a panic attack, which is one of my symptoms from the chronic fatigue and with this drug, if you go over your limit when starting it, it makes all your symptoms worse. And oh did it. It was possibly the worst feeling ever. So anyway, I was able t make it this week. This wasn't an open house, but instead a group of kids from Edgewood. I talked about what accomadations I get personally and how much it has helped me to have such a great support system behind me. I'm able to take less credits and still be considered full time to please my parents insurance. But until I actually went and talked to these kids who have all different kinds of needs, I never realized how badly I wanted to help other people. After the presentation, one of the students came up front and tapped my shoulder. I turned around and he reached out to shake my hand. He genuinely thanked me for my time and sharing my story. Then one of the teachers that accompanied them spoke to me after the kids went to get thier free lunch. She was amazed at how the students were obviously attentive when I spoke and how interested they were. They asked dozens of questions. She was so happy. It made me leave the school with a high I haven't felt in years. I was happy. I felt good about myself. I felt like I had helped someone. And it made me want more. So often I feel helpless and much like a burden to those around me when I'm sick. But yesterday, I felt lighter and excited about something. I quickly offered to so it again and I really hope they let me because I woke up today feeling absolutely horrible. I feel so weak and tired and some of the pain has come back. I want to feel that happy high again. I have wanted to cry it out all day but not tears will come. They are worn out. I am going to look into volunteering for the humane society as well since my doctor won't let me work. I just hope that I can find something that makes me feel like that again.